Room 69
by ayeeyers
Summary: What are the chances of me becoming roommates with this guy?
1. Chapter 1

"_Dude! Where the fuck are you?" _The voice on my phone shouted and I winced at the loudness.

"_Uh…I don't know, man." _I pathetically answered since I really don't know where the fuck I am.

I look around, there are only people, people, people, buildings, people, people, then cars. Everyone was walking at a fast pace while I was looking like a complete retard just standing there. Damn, this university is so fucking big.

"_Why the hell don't you know where you are? Didn't they give you a map at the orientation?" _Kyle asked and I know he was starting to get annoyed.

"_Orientation…?" _What? There was an orientation?

There was silence at the other end of the line but I could already imagine my friend face-palming himself.

"_Jesus Christ, Kenny. Just ask someone where the dorms are." _

"_Yeah, yeah. Sorry." _

"_Just get your ass over here." _

I closed my phone and looked around once again, clutching the strap of my bag. This is actually quite nerve-wracking. At the corner of my eye, I see a group of people walking with ridiculous blue caps on their heads and numerous bags on their sides. Leading them was a nerdy-looking guy who was all blue from top to bottom and looked like he would rather chop wood than do his job. That must be the orientation or whatever. Good thing I wasn't there.

I started walking, still unsure as to where to go when I spotted a tall guy, probably a senior, handing out fliers. He spotted me and smiled in my direction. Okay, I don't know what's the deal but people are awfully nice here.

"_Sup, dude." _He greeted and held out his hand.

"_Sup." _I shook his hands, quite nervous. Oh god I'm so virgin about this college shit.

"_Want to join the Betas?" _He offered a flier and I stared at it for a while. Ah, a fraternity. Of course. That explains the bro-ish feeling he's exuding.

"_Uh, sorry, no. Um, you know where the dorms are?" _I'm so fucking tired of walking around this big ass university and Kyle would probably kill me if I don't show up soon so it's best to just go straight to the point. The guy didn't seem to mind.

"_Oh, a lost freshman!" _The dude laughed amusingly and I tried my best not to roll my eyes. _"Sorry, follow me. I'll walk you there."_

Yes! Wait, this isn't a scam or something, right? Like one of those recruitment shit of fraternities?

Nevertheless, I hesitantly followed the guy to a not-so-suspicious-looking booth with more guys who are taller than me. I consider myself pretty tall but these guys look like NBA players or something.

"_Hey bros, just gonna guide this freshman to the dorms. Take cover for me." _

They call each other bros. Cool.

They all turned to look at me and I tried my best to act cool. But I ended up nodding politely at them, anyway.

"_Oh? Is this our new recruit?" _One of the guys asked and some of the nervousness I'm feeling dissipated. These guys are kinda nice.

"_Well, I'm working on it." _My guide grinned in my direction and I smiled awkwardly. Well, I guess it's not so bad.

"_Okay, okay, we're going. Don't slack off now." _

The guys waved lazily at us as we continued walking again. The amount of people seemed to lessen as we enter a much spacious area, without all the buildings and stuff.

"_Here we are."_

We stopped in front of a building which I assume is the dormitory. _Finally_.

"_Thanks, dude." _

"_No problem. The name's David, by the way." _He looked at me expectantly.

"_Kenny."_

"_Right. So, I'll get down to my main objective now." _He handed me a flier once again.

I snickered as I took the paper from him, looking it over and reading it.

"_If you ever change your mind, just come down to the Beta house. You're always welcome." _He smiled openly. _"Anyways, I'll be going now."_

"_Yeah, see you around. Thanks again." _

He just waved as he went back. Huh…college is not so bad after all.

I entered the building, some people glancing in my direction but immediately turning their heads to keep on doing what they were doing. I shrugged it off and proceeded towards the counter where a woman is sitting. She smiled at me when I approached. Seriously, what's up with people smiling? Not that I'm complaining or anything.

"_New boarder?" _She asked politely and I realized that she was actually quite young and pretty. Damn.

"_Yes. Kenny McCormick." _My voice came out a little too high-pitched. I hope she doesn't notice me checking her out. She just smiled at me once more, glancing at me as she typed on her computer.

"_Here you go. You're on room 69, second floor."_

I let out a sudden laugh because…69. Seriously?

"_You just got here and you're already flirting?" _A familiar voice called out and I smiled widely as I turned around.

Standing with his arms crossed and his red hair which is wild as ever is one of my best friends.

"_Kyle!" _I threw my arms around him, relief washing over me as I finally found someone I **actually **know. I'm like a lost kid in a mall who finally found his mom.

"_It's about time, dumbass."_ Kyle rolled his eyes but I know he's just as happy to see me. It's been quite a while since we have seen each other. Okay, it's been two days but we're clingy like that.

"_Yeah, this school is fucking big, man. And I'm not flirting! This wonderful lady right here is just handing me my key." _I pinched the redhead's cheek, earning a scowl in return as I smile innocently at the girl on the register.

"_Fuck you." _Kyle cursed as he swatted my hand away. _"Be careful of this guy, Kyla, he's a sexual predator." _

I punched Kyle in the arm as I denied his accusation. _Kyla_, I suppose that's her name, just chuckled at us and proceeded in handing me my key. I bid goodbye as Kyle forcefully pulled me away.

"_You just __**can't **__keep your hormones down, do you?" _Kyle tiredly exclaimed, arm around my neck as he dragged me around.

"_Awwww you're jealous, how cute." _I teased, snaking my arm around his waist and pulling him closer to me. He sneered in disgust but made no sign of moving away. People stared at us as we made our way through the hallway, earning weird looks here and there.

Kyle and I were notorious for being overly touchy with each other ever since back then. We would always act intimate in front of people as a joke since their reactions are always priceless. It's not at all awkward (even though I know Kyle swings both ways, if you know what I mean) since we're best friends and we're comfortable with each other, but that doesn't stop people from saying that we're gay. Stan would join in sometimes but he _always _ends up chickening out as he try his best not to vomit, while Cartman would just freeze up, call us fags, and say his infamous line, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." Ah, those were the good days.

"_Anyway, what's your room number?" _The redhead asked and I simply showed him the key tag. He snickered deviously. _"Wow, the number suits you perfectly."_

"_I know, right?"_

He just shook his head, disapprovingly.

I look around as we walked, doors lining up the hallway to the end. It was noisy, as one would expect from a boy's dorm but it was unusually clean. We pass by a lot of people, most were half-naked and I tell Kyle that it must be heaven living here with all the potential targets. He just elbowed me in the stomach in response.

We reached the second floor and I noticed the color of the walls were different. First floor was red and this floor is blue.

"_So. I'll let you go to your room, fix your things, then I'll pick you up after an hour and meet Stan, okay?" _Kyle looked at me expectantly and I just nodded, even though my attention was already lost by the time he was half-done saying all those things. Typical Kyle and his organized plans.

"_Okay, see you later, dude." _He patted my shoulders and walked up the stairs. So he's in the upper floor.

I stared down the hallway, noticing how it was less populated compared to the first floor. I trudged forward, dragging my belongings and looking door to door for my room. I almost flinched in surprise as someone suddenly called out.

"_Hey." _

I turned to look and saw a guy leaning at what I guessed was his doorframe.

"_Hey." _I greeted in acknowledgement.

"_You new here?" _

I nodded slowly.

"_Oh, welcome. I'm Kenneth." _He held out his hand and I gladly shook it.

"_Kenneth? Hey, my name's Kenneth too but you can just call me Kenny." _I find myself smiling. What are the chances, right?

"_Cool! Well, you can just call me Kenneth, I guess. To avoid the confusion." _

We talked for a while, me telling him that I got lost a while ago since this university is big as fuck and him completely agreeing with me. I also find out that we're on the same course. Creepy coincidence but aside from that, I think I just made a new friend.

"_What room are you in?" _He asked, eyeing the numerous bags surrounding me.

"_69." _

Contrary to the normal reaction I was expecting, which includes a laugh and a knowing perverted look that only guys can share to each other, his face contorted in what I could see as pity (?) and he hissed like he was just burned.

"_Ooohhh…Ice King, huh?" _

_Ice King_?

I stared at him confusedly, arching my brow in question. He shook his head and patted my shoulder, that pitiful look still evident on his eyes.

"_It's nothing. Just…good luck, dude." _His voice sounded like it was my funeral and I was kind of bothered at what he's implying. I figured out it has something to do with my roommate. Well, I think I was already exposed to numerous disturbing people from where I came from *cough* South Park *cough* so whatever this guy's problem is, it shouldn't be a big deal…right?

I walked towards my would-be room for about 4 years. I stopped in front of it, the numbers 069 staring at me. I fished my key from my pocket and inserted it in the keyhole. Breathing deeply, I tried to calm myself because it was so unlike me to get nervous and I think I had enough college virginity going on and I should probably snap out of it before I become branded as the Blessed College Virgin Kenny.

I slowly turned the key, hearing a light click and I opened the door, peaking inside. It's a pretty normal-looking room, I guess. And pretty spacious too. Two beds, a window, an air condition (thank god), two tables and two closets. Good enough.

I stepped inside, looking around once again and spotting something blue sitting on one of the tables, a laptop in front of him. This must be the roommate. Wait…I feel like I've seen that chullo before.

I put down my bags, my eyes not leaving the guy playing, as far as I can tell, World of Warcraft, on his laptop. I swayed from side to side, trying to catch a look at what he looks like. Fuck, I **know **that hat!

"_Hey, dude." _I tried greeting but he didn't even turn, just continued to play.

I fidgeted awkwardly, waiting for him to greet me back but nothing came. I huffed in slight annoyance.

"_Hey, dude." _I said a little louder and the clicking sound from his mouse finally stopped. I see him pausing the game, removing the plugged earphones from his ears. He twisted his body, turning to me, arm resting on the back of the chair and I finally realize why the hat looks so familiar. Because it belongs to someone I know and he's in front of me right now.

"_Craig." _My mouth involuntarily called out as I just stood there, staring at the dark-haired boy and trying to justify the chances of me being roommates with this guy.

He blinked at me, once, twice, seeming like he's also having a hard time realizing the situation. But knowing him, he immediately recovered and raised his wrist, showing his signature finger to me.

"_McCormick."_

* * *

><p>So, I have been addicted to South Park lately and I just adore Kenny~~~ And I love him more when he's with Craig huehuehue...Well, my ships are Kenny-centric lol. Anyways, not much happening in this chapter and it's pretty boring, I know. I do hope you stay tuned for the next ones :]]]<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I folded my clothes in silence, putting them in the closet as I glanced now and then at the dark-haired boy sitting across me, clicking rapidly at his mouse. The fact that Craig Tucker was my roommate is still sinking down on me. Well, it's not really that surprising. Like, majority of people I know from our school went to this college. But still, the coincidence is kinda weird.

After a while, I finally finished arranging my things. Well, that took a lot faster than I expected. Not like I have that many stuff anyway. I tried sitting on the bed, gliding my hand on the mattress and feeling its smoothness. I can't help but to grin excitedly as I laid down on the fairly-sized bed, relishing in its softness. It's so comfy unlike my bed at home.

I glanced once again in Craig's direction, kind of wanting to talk to him since it's been quite a while since we last saw each other. We're not really that close actually but he's still kind of my friend. I think? I mean, there were times when we hanged out but now that I think about it, we never really talked. Just once or twice. Wait. **Wait**. Craig and I actually** never** had a decent conversation at all.

My train of thoughts were interrupted by a deep sigh and I see Craig bending his neck, cracking his knuckles. He stretched his arms in front of him and I noticed the laptop was turned off. He stood up from his chair and walked groggily over to his bed. He momentarily glanced at me and I noticed dark circles under his eyes. Bastard must have been playing WoW all night. Well, I can totally understand. He reached out his hand and tore his hat from his head, revealing his jet-black hair. As soon as his knees touched the side of the bed, his body fell down, face hitting the pillow. I forced myself not to laugh at the childish action.

It was quiet for a while as I just watched the steady rise and fall of his back, guessing that the guy was probably asleep. Nevertheless, I still tried to strike up a conversation.

"_Are you only sleeping now?"_ I asked amusingly.

Not really expecting an answer, I actually received one in the form of a muffled, _"Yes," _minus the finger, surprisingly. I chuckled in response.

Once again, there was silence.

…

"_Hey, Craig?" _I called, my voice unsure.

No response.

"_Hey, Craig?" _I called once again, this time a little louder with the slightest intention of irritating him.

"_Fuck, McCormick, I'm trying to sleep here." _

"_Sorry, sorry."_ I laughed inwardly at his annoyed voice.

Being the nice guy I am, I decided to just leave my roommate the hell alone and let him get his sleep. I pushed myself up the bed, intending to go pick up my redhead friend when a low voice startled me.

"_What is it?"_

I turned around, seeing Craig's face turned to mine, frowning. I grinned and sat back down on my bed.

"_Since when did you move here?"_

"_Summer."_ He answered after a few seconds.

"_Wow, that's early." _I mused and glanced at him. He was staring at me blankly and I figured that he doesn't really have any reply to that. For the hell of it, I rack my brain for more things to ask.

"_So, uh…How about Clyde and Token? Oh and Tweek too! Where are they all now?" _

"_Clyde and Tweek's here. Token is in a fancy music school or something."_

"_Nice. What course you're taking?"_

"_Veterinary Medicine."_

Wow, Craig is actually answering me properly (although his replies are awfully short and straight to the point) without raising his middle finger. I bet it's because he's just too tired to exert effort in raising his hand or something.

"_Anymore useless questions you'd like to ask?" _

From the full on irritation in his voice, I figured that he must be pretty pissed already. I wonder why he didn't just ignore me.

I simply shook my head and flashed him a smile. Of course, he just rolled his eyes at me.

"_Great, 'cause I'm sleeping." _

He turned his body, back facing me. I was also about to exit the room when the door burst open and Kyle peeked his head in.

"_Dude! Let's go!" _Kyle beamed in a loud voice and I gestured for him to keep it down. _"Oh, and I just remembered that 69 is also Craig's-"_

"_Shut the fuck up, Broflovski." _

We both turned to look at my roommate whose middle finger is raised for us to see clearly. Kyle slammed a hand on his mouth, finally getting the situation.

"_Sorry…" _He apologized in a soft voice as we both left the room.

"_See you later."_ I chirped before I closed the door.

"_You're quite lucky you're rooming with someone you know, huh?" _Kyle said as he draped his arm over my shoulder.

"_Yeah, I guess you could say that."_ I shrugged, wondering if I could really consider myself lucky or what.

* * *

><p>We finally met with Stan after walking what felt like a mile and he treated us to lunch, so I guess it was worth it after all. Cartman also <em>"happened to be passing by" <em>and joined us, telling us that he's just there for free food but I know that bastard just wants to hang out. It feels like it's been so long since we've been complete like this.

It wasn't really surprising that we're going down different roads. Stan is studying to be a doctor, Kyle wants to be a lawyer like his dad, I'm working to be an engineer, and Cartman aims for the corporate world. Thankfully, all of us are in the same university. Except Cartman.

He enrolled in another college, spouting bullshit about how it's more awesome there and that he'll have a brighter future and shit but I know full well that it's all because of Wendy. Cartman has always had a crush on Wendy ever since I could remember. The guy always tried to get the girl's attention. It didn't really matter if it took annoying her or making her angry as long as she's looking at him. When Stan and Wendy broke up (5th grade, I think), Cartman grew even bolder, following her around and annoying her nonstop. It wasn't the best of methods out there but it was Cartman's way of showing his affection, no matter how childish it is. Things happened (oh _a lot _of things happened, alright), drama ensued, but those two ended up together, anyways. It was unbelievable, now that I think about it. Unbelievable, but definitely _amazing_.

Compared to the fatass's (he's not that fat now, actually) surprisingly successful love life, the other two pale in comparison. They never had girlfriends, or boyfriends (who knows), their **whole** highschool life. It's quite questionable, especially for Stan because he was pretty popular being the school quarterback and all and he practically had girls begging on his feet. Instead, he spends most of time shitting around and hanging out with Kyle. Meanwhile, all Kyle did was study, study, study, hang out with Stan, study, study, study, watch Terrance and Phillip (with Stan), study, study, study, hang out with Stan, study, hang out with Stan, and hang out with Stan some more.

…

_Yeah_…I pretty much figured out why a long time ago. I wonder when the two of them will accidentally bump their heads and realize it already and start grabbing each other's dicks. Just kidding. Or not.

"_So, dude, your roommate is Craig?" _

I was pulled out of my thoughts with Stan's sudden question. I blinked at him momentarily.

"_Yeah."_

Stan let out a laugh as he chewed on his burger.

"_Goodluck with that." _He pointed as he rolled his eyes. I cocked my head in confusion.

"_Dude, why? What's wrong with Craig?"_

"_Oh, nothing much except that he's an ass." _Stan stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"_Yeah. Fucker can't keep his finger down. Flipping people off and shit." _Cartman added as he sipped his coke, quirking his eyebrows upward.

"_He's always done that ever since, like, grade school or something."_

I glanced at Kyle, trying to see as to whose side he's on. Unfortunately, it seemed like he just ran out of fucks to give as his eyes are glued to his phone. I rolled my eyes at his indifference.

"_You know what, Kenny? That's your problem. You're too fucking nice. Too fucking nice, I tell you." _Cartman moved his face closer to mine, pointing an accusing finger in front of me. I looked at him weirdly, trying to process where he's getting at. _"You go make the first move and make that Craig Fucker your little bitch."_

"_What the fuck, dude. I'm not going to turn Craig into my little bitch. He's just a roommate. You're making a big deal out of it." _I rolled my eyes as I swatted his finger away, getting tired of my friend's shenanigans.

"_It __**is **__a big deal. What if he rapes you or something." _

I glared at Cartman, disgust all over my face.

"_Why the fuck would he do that?!" _I exclaimed a little louder than I intended, earning looks from other customers. Okay, now Cartman's just saying shit.

"_Because you look like a girl?" _Stan suggested and at first I thought he was joking and I waited some kind of reaction from the other two saying how dumb that statement was but none came. Um…what the fuck?

"_Huh?" _My voice rose higher unintentionally and I cleared my throat and trying again. _"Huh?"_

"_Mm, yes, you look like a girl. Skinny, blonde, blue eyes, white skin…You're totally a bottom. Haven't we told you this before?"_ Kyle chimed in and I just looked at him dumbly. Bottom? Seriously, Kyle? _Bottom_?

"_No! What, you guys talk about me looking like some chick behind my back?"_

I was praying for them to just cut it out and tell me that they're fucking with me but no.

"_Yes." _The three of them answered in sync and I was **this **close to forgetting everything about our friendship right then and there.

I groaned in frustration as I buried my face in my hands, feeling extremely embarrassed.

"_You guys are seriously reading too much gay comics." _I grunted out.

"_Relax, Ken, it's a compliment, really." _Stan smiled at me as he patted my head.

"_Uh, I think it was actually an insult." _Kyle said, smirking at me. That bastard.

"_Well, Kenny, just be careful not to get raped." _Cartman laughed boisterously and never have I wanted to punch him so bad.

"_Shut the fuck up. I hate you guys." _I growled angrily, not wanting to hear any more shit coming out of their mouth.

Yep, only true friends will talk behind your back about how you look like a girl and how you're totally gonna be raped someday. Yes, only _**true **_friends.

* * *

><p>It was already dark when I returned to the dorm and Kyle and I was scolded by the <em>"hall monitor" <em>(fucking retarded shit) for being late and that next time, we won't be allowed inside after curfew. We separated ways and Kyle promised to treat me tomorrow as an apology for all the bullshit they said a while ago and I returned to my room feeling satisfied. I love being treated by Kyle because when he says he'll pay, he'll **really **pay for anything.

I carefully opened the door, remembering that Craig was asleep and I don't really want to piss him off by waking him up. I peeked inside and a sleepy-looking Craig greeted me, eyes a bit red from sleeping and hair sticking up in all places. He squinted at me as he rubbed his eyes and I pursed my lips before I laugh at how cute he looks. I MEANT FUNNY. Funny. God, Cartman and those guy's words are affecting me big time.

I greeted him and he just replied with a nod. I watched him as he lazily walked over to his laptop, turning it on and ungracefully sitting on the chair.

"_You're gonna play again?" _I asked as I lied down on my bed, feeling the fatigue from all the walking and headache (from my friends mostly) make me all hazy and sleepy.

"_It's not like I've got something better to do anyway." _He shrugged and I hear continuous tapping noises.

I made a sound of acknowledgement as my eyelids became heavier and heavier. Cartman's words echoed through my head and I grunted as I glanced at Craig's direction. That fucking fatass.

I willed myself to sleep, blue flooding my vision as I finally closed my eyes.

* * *

><p>Sooooo that actually took a lot faster than I expected. Thank you very much for all those who reviewed! You're probably the reason why I was so fast in writing this lol. Anyway...I really am just typing away all my feels. Can't wait to get to the exciting part huehuehueheuehue.<p>

Random: I laugh every time Craig flips someone off. I don't know...it's just really funny HAHAHAHAH


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